The goal I set for the final edit of Normal before it went off in the hands of betas was 2/15/10. I'm not sure I'm going to make that. I wanted to start querying 3/15/10. I laugh in the face of such deadlines.
I'm a very introspective person and fairly aware of my own foibles. Did I mention I have a lot of them? I'm pretty sure I'm subconsciously (and apparently not so SUB) sabotaging myself.
I know that if I never finish editing I can't send it to betas. If I don't send it to betas I can't polish. If I don't polish I can't query. If I don't query I can't be rejected. VOILA!
I'm a wimp. I want to move forward, but fear keeps me rooted. I want to be brave and go out all balls to the wall and query the heck out of my work. That is the problem though, it's MY work. Up until now I've been a closet writer. I've allowed myself to come out and share with select people. Part of that is a self motivator to be accountable to others since I am not accountable to myself. What if it isn't very good?
I'm a strong woman, at least I play one on TV, but writing has always been so inherently personal that it's hard to share. It's hard for me to even admit that I'm afraid.
Therein lies the problem. Fear. Doubt. Guilt. Fear.
I will do it. Just maybe not today.